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2011年8月1日星期一

I would like a critique of this poem please?

-Her nascence, unassuming, and poise

uncommon in one whom dignity was ill-afforded,

was obscured by the cast-off tattered and stained raiment

of an older sister who was rescued by an aged princely gent

who bought her lovely new breasts to celebrate their matrimony

but she out-sized the slightly off-white dress and left it altered, disappeared

with the dashing cad who stood as best man and obviously won the title pre-nuptially.

(She later received a flippant jot on a joyful purple and fuchsia postcard from Tahiti, "Hi!

miss ya' sweetie!" lacking return address, and sincerity.) The nymphette nonetheless has

always treasured this last token of sisterly intimacy, and takes it out from time to time, crying

because she cannot picture her sibling's features very clearly anymore... the switchboard bi**h

at the call center in Tahiti has no listing for Miss Carrie Manson or Karen Holdston, *click*

For ten years she was sick with worry and finally abandoned all hope in a bottle of gin

left by one of absentee sister's would-be suitors, who administered rape via Rohypnol

and called it a date- her first, of course you never forget that first one... so she

called him one day and sweetly offered to make a nice dinner; he brought

a box of wine like a true fine gentleman, of which she poured ample

amounts into large pickling-jar glasses and she spiked his

with a bit of something especially fatal. Her prenatal

care doctor said it was the hormones that drove

her over into the state issued raiment that

hid her nascence and assumed poise

with lifetime conviction...So many brilliant lines in this LC... very impressive write-



Dammit, I was on my phone earlier and totally missed out on the shape! It's a beauty for sure, It adds much more feeling to the piece... I mean I could go on and on, but I wouldn't want to be accused of milking the situation. I think I'm going to give it another read in an attempt to get an even greater grasp of it.



i have this overwhelming urge to manhandle this poem and shake it up and down.... I'm not sure whyHaha. Tragically hilarious. If it wasn't supposed to be funny, I apologize, but I found it humorous.
wow



that is an awesome story told....

me hopes it is only a story.........



otherwise, a sad tale indeed!



yet, it leaves me with a little giggle 鈾?/div>

  • 4 weeks ago

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Nice arrow-shaped poem!
its very nice i quite like it all tho it was a bit hard to figure out the character in this poem



like the speaker...



otherwise good poem you have a gift...



Miku ^///^
i dont get it
Another dark stranger in the night tale.

W/E....bye
Hi. This is a very funny poem to me i hope it's fiction . Some good images and words choices.

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