Could you analyze this bit of prose and/or c/c it?

-He liked his yard neat, and the windstorm had left unsightly debris in his yard. He opened the shed door to grab his rake but was startled; an animal had found a way inside and was making it clear he was

unwelcome. He hesitated just a second at the creature's fierce display; she was standing on her hind legs ready to fight to the death, daring him to come closer.

He quietly closed the door and decided he could wait to clean his yard; those babies would soon be grown and gone, along with their mother.

His wife found him sitting on the patio, staring at nothing. "Stay away from the shed," he warned her. "There's an animal inside, and... she's protecting her young."

The yard stayed unraked for just over a week, until the mouse and her babies moved on.









(True story; the names have been changed... Oh, wait, I didn't USE names.)sounds like a good time to have a good scotch

-- neatI like this very much! Forgive me if I am reading too much into things but it seems the man in this story is a father himself. He understands the animals need to "[protect] her young" and also sympathizes with her because he knows that her " babies would soon be grown and gone".

I think this is a very good piece, I might have said "He hesitated for a second" but that's just a matter of opinion.

Thanks for sharing.
It is delightful. The only thing I would suggest is that you remove the second use of yard in the first sentence. "In his yard" could be replaced with "there".

.
once was fixing a soffit on a house came across an owls

nest with 3 white baby owls, told the homeowner

I'll be back when the owls are grown and left the nest

you just don't mess with nature, bad karma...
I heard this story and I thought how animals are more protective of their young than humans these days...I did not like you using his yard twice in the first sentence twice,



that is all I have to say about it
Mouse!!! Iwas thinking raccoon! good stuff, K. 'staring at nothing'--lol...I could see the bamboo rake hanging just out of reach!
Mornin sis, a cute piece with a even cuter punch line, and yep I'd drop the last 3 words in the first sentence. Loved it though on all levels
Nice story. A man totally in tune with nature, sensitive. My type of guy. Well writ Kathy,
That is so darn sweet but if they wander into my kitchen it's off with their heads!
Very good , I don't no if I get it LOl .. but its a good litter story ;; Smiles
Since this is part of a story, I think it would read better if separated into paragraphs, as I have done here. I also include reasons for other changes I've made. (I hope you aren't displeased)





He liked his yard neat, but a recent windstorm left it strewn with unsightly debris. As he opened the shed door to grab his rake, he was startled; an animal had found its way inside and was making it clear [that] he was unwelcome. He hesitated momentarily at the creature's fierce display; standing on her hind legs, ready to fight to the death, she dared him to come closer.



He quietly closed the door, deciding he could wait to clean the yard; those babies would soon be grown and gone, along with their mother.



His wife found him sitting on the patio, staring at nothing. "Stay away from the shed," he warned. "There's an animal inside, and ... she's protecting her young."



The yard stayed unraked for just over a week, until the mouse and her babies moved on.





"but" vs. "and" 鈥?provides contrast

unnecessary repetition of "yard"

[that] 鈥?flows better (maybe)

"momentarily" vs. "just a second" 鈥?more succinct

"she was" 鈥?passive voice

"her" 鈥?unnecessary in that conversational context
Yep, just drop the last three words in the first sentence.

As long as they are outside in the shed - fine.

I had a terrible problem once - I was so soft-hearted (a criticism from many in my family) that I would not kill mice.

Then I moved to NY but kept our old place for when we came back.

Unbeknownst to me, my husband had left a 100 lb. bag of grain there for making beer.

When we came back there was 100lbs. of mouse poop and pee in the house.

I cleaned for three days on that tiny house.

I had to mop the walls.

When I was finished my nose was bleeding and I had a slight wheeze.

So - outside, shed, what have you. Fine

Inside - no dice.



But very nice story. Did I mention that before the incident I had no ill will toward mice?
He liked his yard neat, and the windstorm had left it strewn with unsightly debris. He opened the shed door to grab his rake but was startled; an animal had found a way inside and was making it clear he was unwelcome. He hesitated just a second at the creature's fierce display; she was standing on her hind legs ready to fight to the death, daring him to come closer.

He quietly closed the door and decided he could wait to clean his yard; those babies would soon be grown and gone, along with their mother.

His wife found him sitting on the patio, staring at nothing. "Stay away from the shed," he warned her. "There's an animal inside, and... she's protecting her young."

The yard stayed unraked for just over a week, until the mouse and her babies moved on.





***just a little change at the beginning, 'unsightly' seemed an appropriate word for someone with a neat yard. I like the way you played off the terror of a cornered animal against the harmlessness of a mouse.