Wdyt of the poem i just wrote?

---So close, yet, so far

Ain't it bizarre

Both unsuspecting

Subconsciously connecting



Until that moment

Unspoken commitment

He takes her by the hand

And places the silver band



Her eyes twinkling

Insides are cheering

Feeling superhuman,

She's now Mrs. Truman--



Please just constructive criticism...if your gonna be a jerk just move on.That's marvelous the way you have constructed it! Maybe extend the middle a little but other then that its tremendous! I promise I will give thumbs down to any bad comments :). Good work!



Diamonds answer is terrific :)It's good...maybe you could add some words that can help me visualize the proposal actually happening..like describing the guy getting on one bended knee and the woman's hand shaking and her crying and being a nervous emotional wreck......you know stuff like that....proposals are really intense and most girls dream of this moment...and most guys are scared of this moment because of the rejection factor.
REALLY REALL GOOD. I am a upcoming rapper, and i like the use of metaphors and the vOcab was amazing. 9/10



PLEASE ANSWER MINE, ITS ABOUT RAP/POETRY



http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhnR8n.wdV0JO5AqEdFQaCMM_dw4;_ylv=3?qid=20110710031520AAljuRa
If you are asking if it's a good high school English class poem, heck yes it is!

If you're asking if it's any good compared to actual poetry, not even close.
sounds like a song and good job
I have to say it's quite original but you might want to look over the second line in the first stanza.