Plz comment on my poem..?

-Mask man#

In the middle of the night

He entered the lonely house through window pane

I'm the thief i'm gonna loot

He said to himself,and checked the gun again.

No one's gonna see him he thought

As he was wearing a full face mask.

His green eyes were the only flashing thing

He smiled coz stealing is not a big task.



The mask man thinks he is the bad boy

Nothing's gonna stop him this night

Making his move without the light.



Then he entered a room gently pushing the door

And saw the big lamp in the corner still turned red

Mask man took a glimpse of the room

And found someone on the bed.

He took a step back then he hit the table

Glass doll fell and shattered he had to pay the price.

It made the girl to wake up

She stood in silence as she saw those green eyes.



The mask man doubts was he the bad boy

Is she gonna stop him in this night

As he moves towards from dark to light.



Mask man saw the girl and she was beautiful

He looked her again

Then he ran through the window pane.



Mask man found himself in the morning

Walking down the city street.

Mask was off his head but girl in his mind

Never seen a girl such a beauty n sweet.

Then he saw a girl walking down to him.

It was the same girl he saw before a while.

The girl saw those green eyes

She came close to him with a smile.it should be "masked" not "mask", "it made the girl wake up" not "to wake" "he looked at her again" not "he looked her again"

also I'd work on your vocabulary and description. maybe use some metaphors and similes

eg his eyes are green as jade

also you change tenses ("she stood" is past tense whereas "he moves" is present)
i liked it its has a nice flow...



Spell check might help a bit it wont get published if you don't spell it right otherwise it was a good poem and uh i only found one problem in the rhyme scheme but i doubt anybody would notice anyway



Miku ^///^
ohhhhhh man what a bull **** poem......

if anybody tries to write such poems they will be treated by the children badly because........

those shitting poems must me learned by them later......

so stay safe pls dont try this.........
It's ok. Nothing spectacular. Felt more like a story. No real Aha moment. Just ok.
Sounds cool. It feels like it's a part of a greater story



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It's a website where you can post your poems, get and give feedback, join online poetry battles, meet other writers, become a part of a great community, join poetry exercise forums, and discussions. You'll love it there. Invite a friend to join with u if you want.
The poem is alright (Story is fine but sometimes you use sentence structure instead of poems structure.) Needs a lot of work to turn in more into a poem instead of a story in poem format.



In the middle of the night

He entered the lonely house through window pane

"I'm the thief i'm gonna loot."

He said to himself,and checked the gun again.

"No one's gonna see him he thought"

He wore a full face mask.

His green eyes were the only flashing thing.

He smiled because stealing is not a big task.



The Mask Man thinks he is the bad boy,

Nothing's gonna stop him this night,

Making his move without the light.



He entered a room gently pushing the door

Seeing the big lamp in the corner still turned red

Mask Man took a glimpse of the room

And found someone on the bed.

He took a step back hitting the table

Glass doll fell and shattered; he had to pay the price.

The girl in the bed woke up,

She stood in silence as she saw those green eyes.



The Mask Man doubts was he the bad boy

Is she gonna stop him in this night

As he moves towards from dark to light.



Mask Man saw the beautiful

He looked at her again

And ran through the window pane.



Mask Man found himself in the morning

Walking down the city street.

Mask was off his head but girl in his mind

Never seen a girl such a beauty and sweetness.

Then he saw a girl walking down to him.

It was the same girl he saw in the house.

The girl saw those green eyes

She came close to him with a smile.







Some of it is writing preference to leave it or change it, but there was some grammar that I fixed for you.