Do you think these two poems are any good?

-I'm 15, and love writing poetry. Considering my age, would you say that these two poems are good? Is there any way I could improve them?



1)As I breathe, the world is transformed.

It writhes and flickers, warps in velvet.

A kaleidoscope of doubt and mirth

Scattered haphazard over linear fools.

And fools they might be

Staggering lost on a choppy sea.



As I watch, dust turns to rain

Filling empty gazes with life and hunger,

Nectar trudging bravely through a dead dog's ear,

Emerging as a stain on this upturned carpet

Once hidden, but hidden no more

Scrabbling for refuge on an out-of-reach shore.



As I laugh, silence is a stony hand

Rigid for eternity, no warmth is here

Now, among the spoils of youth

It is a bleak reminder of what is ended

A clingfilm adornment on well-behaved sin

A beauty only glanced at on a lonely whim.



As I sleep, ink runs down the door in strings

Winding a rope, settling on dismal tile

Then retreating to uncertainty, bound

Like dogs to an unseen maestro, called

Like flames to fire

From want, to yearn, to steel desire.





Her's the second one :) Thanks for any help you can give me!!



2)Back where the skytide shatters its last

Against the shadow of the silver door

Back where the hornglows flutter beamingly

As Fire and Brimstone

Is where I'll wait

Until I can wait no more.



Back where Time lies grimy and broken

And Hope holds eternal power

Back where tree roots lift and walk

As a lone daisy chain

Is where I'll wait

Until the final hour.



Yes, in between the lies of the marmalade pots

Where the tepid beast is slumbering

Where delicate contours embroider your form

As gossamer is spun

Is where I'll wait

While the clock hands keep on lumbering.



But if we were to flee this flighty land

On toes of gold and lead

This world would crack and refuse to heal

As a waterlogged vine

Then You would vanish

And all rivers would run dead.



So sit back here in the Crableg Tree

And rest among the silken leaves.

Drink up your sleep for an hour or more

As nectar to the Sun

And I will wait

Among the laden sheaves.I like this one. http://goodsdetail.info/73117/clock-hand

Gooooood luck (:
What vocabulary! Great job. I love 'em
i love them .
lovley i really love them
like it, it has plenty of imagery and isn't so ryhmy that it sounds lame
Interesting. u have a unique style. I don't do this very often, but I'm inviting you to join the Poetry Castle



If you like writing poetry, you should check out the Poetry Castle-- http://www.fliprap.com/forumdisplay.php?鈥?/a>



It's a website where you can post your poems, get and give feedback, join online poetry battles, meet other writers, become a part of a great community, join poetry exercise forums, and discussions. You'll love it there. Invite a friend to join with u if you want.
They are AMAZING. I love writing poetry also, and these are far better than any of mine. I love how the first one has ending rhymes, and the second one has A B C D E B rhymes. I love them so much!
did you really write them?they sound pretty deep for a 15 year old with no experience of the world,15 year olds shouldnt be writing poetry like that,you would be unique to have emotion and feeling like that at 15:)i mean what the hell is a crableg tree?sitting on a parasitic growth?
I am not a poet, but I write occasionally and read daily. This is great poetic work, you should consider writing a book in this form! I for one, would certainly enjoy it!