What do you think of my new poem?

-I asked a few hours ago but I've edited it since then. It's inspired by my only brother and his soon-to-be fiancee.



--So close, yet, so far

Just wishing on a star

Both unsuspecting

Subconsciously connecting



Until that moment

Of spoken commitment

He gets on bended knee

Then asks, "Will you marry me?"



She cries out "yes!"

Then feels his caress

He takes her by the hand

And places the silver band



Her eyes twinkling

Insides are cheering

Feeling superhuman

She's now Mrs. Truman.--



Constructive criticism is encouraged but if you're going to be a jerk about it, move on.I agree with the other answer, you should read it at their wedding. :) I really like the first stanza; it could fit in with a lot of other subjects, but with the next one, you can tell what the subject is. You should try writing another one (because this one's great) that's more vague, and you have to use your head to figure out that it's about proposal. Best of luck!Miss Truman, I wish to the happy couple to become more than Platinum. Your writing is nice, careful, simple words, it is almost strange, but we do not see many "marriage proposal" poems in here. The only (maybe - possible) observation is upon the rhyme Truman - superhuman". So, it is "union". "Feeling their sacred union". It is much more human, and real. Nice...
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I bet they can read it at the wedding its so good.