My new poem with only few lines, what do you think?

-I wrote a short love story for my bf in the name of our love, but today we are preparing for a breakup and I am really sad.. i wrote this short poem to put it in the front page..





"A factual pain rising from the missing sonata

I am singing my rhythm but with no rhyms

No more sheets to inspired by, and loneliness devour my songs

Playing on the keys but the melody comes mute

Silence has slipped within..

Lights turns to a grey dimness, and darkness sorrounds and cover that deminsion beyond

A whole life is cascading on the sharp black rock of speration

Soon it wil scatter and turns to ash and disappear in the unkown

So do my heart, it will die out for now until eternity!"



What do you think?

Thank youThe visuals could be sharper. It feels a bit cliched



If you like writing poetry, you should check out the Poetry Castle-- http://www.fliprap.com/forumdisplay.php?鈥?/a>



It's a website where you can post your poems, get and give feedback, join online poetry battles, meet other writers, become a part of a great community, join poetry exercise forums, and discussions. You'll love it there. Invite a friend to join with u if you want.
It's beautiful! It's a work of art! :) Keep up poetry as a career!
i think your great just like your beautiful work