Can you judge this short thing i wrote for me?

-I haven't had a dream like this before. The kind of dream were you can experience

what feels like a lifetime in a mater of moments. I was in a meadow and there

was a frigid wind that blow into my eyes. I lay under a tree, spread out as if i

had been dozed off there for sometime. My eyes were heavy but i managed to hold

them open as i climbed to my feet. I was a bit drowsy from some headache i was

suffering from. Where was I? I'm not quite sure but i knew from the looks of it

i wasn't alone. Walking to me was a man, he was no doubt unusual. He had a

left arm that was longer than his right, a mask made of silk decorated of white

on the left half and black on its opposite. He had an endless black robe that

came all the way to cover his feet.

For some odd reason this encounter didn't seem as worse than asking a girl

out. He stood before me now. Suddenly fear had taken hold of me. He started to raise his

hands up to his mask. After that he begin to take it off. When it was away from his face, for

a reason i didn't know of, I knelt on my knees with my head in my hands and i screamed in horrific bursts of anger, which came randomly. Everything around us was dying. The tree i was under had limbs falling around me. When the grass began to die leaves were airborne, none falling to the ground because the winds had picked up, some ashing away into the air before they even had contact to the ground. I was screaming, which was uncontrollably in that instant.Dream unfolds,never like before

a meadow, frozen- moments froze

frigid wind blows, live warns

black robes, canes, scare me

Who am I, Hell, who am I?
Eh, it would be average without all the grammatical errors. As it is, it just sounds like someone trying to sound smarter than they actually are.
s
I like the concept, the idea behind this piece, but you can revise this and make it better



If you like writing poetry, you should check out the Poetry Castle-- http://www.fliprap.com/forumdisplay.php?鈥?/a>



It's a website where you can post your poems, get and give feedback, join online poetry battles, meet other writers, become a part of a great community, join poetry exercise forums, and discussions. You'll love it there. Invite a friend to join with u if you want.
"He started to raise his

hands up to his mask. After that he begin to take it off. When it was away from his face, for

a reason i didn't know of, I knelt on my knees with my head in my hands and i screamed in horrific bursts of anger, which came randomly. Everything around us was dying. The tree i was under had limbs falling around me. When the grass began to die leaves were airborne, none falling to the ground because the winds had picked up, some ashing away into the air before they even had contact to the ground. I was screaming, which was uncontrollably in that instant."





All that imagery was interesting, I like dark stuff like that. I really got a good picture from this. I also like the line where you say his left arm is longer than his right. With my OCD that would bother me really badly, but I imagined looking at him, and it would look like the right side of him -- that arm would be longer (since that would be his left arm, but my right) so that helps :)



I like it.